Читать книгу Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus онлайн | страница 19

Mary says, “But I like my job. They just expect me to change everything at a moment’s notice.”

Tom says, “Don’t listen to them. Just do what you can do.”

Mary says, “I am! I can’t believe I completely forgot to call my aunt today.”

Tom says, “Don’t worry about it, she’ll understand.”

Mary says, “Do you know what she is going through? She needs me.”

Tom says, “You worry too much, that’s why you’re so unhappy.”

Mary angrily says, “I am not always unhappy. Can’t you just listen to me?”

Tom says, “I am listening.”

Mary says, “Why do I even bother?”

After this conversation, Mary was more frustrated than when she arrived home seeking intimacy and companionship. Tom was also frustrated and had no idea what went wrong. He wanted to help, but his problem-solving tactics didn’t work.

Without knowing about life on Venus, Tom didn’t understand how important it was just to listen without offering solutions. His solutions only made things worse. You see, Venusians never offer solutions when someone is talking. A way of honoring another Venusian is to listen patiently with empathy, seeking truly to understand the other’s feelings.

Tom had no idea that just listening with empathy to Mary express her feelings would bring her tremendous relief and fulfillment. When Tom heard about the Venusians and how much they needed to talk, he gradually learned how to listen.

When Mary now comes home tired and exhausted their conversations are quite different. They sound like this:

Mary says, “There is so much to do. I have no time for me.”

Tom takes a deep breath, relaxes on the exhale, and says, “Humph, sounds like you had a hard day.”

Mary says, “They expect me to change everything at a moment’s notice. I don’t know what to do.”

Tom pauses and then says, “Hmmm.”

Mary says, “I even forgot to call my aunt.”

Tom says with a slightly wrinkled brow, “Oh, no.”

Mary says, “She needs me so much right now. I feel so bad.”

Tom says, “You are such a loving person. Come here, let me give you a hug.”

Tom gives Mary a hug and she relaxes in his arms with a big sigh of relief. She then says, “I love talking with you. You make me really happy. Thanks for listening. I feel much better.”