Читать книгу Любовник леди Чаттерлей / Lady Chatterley's Lover онлайн | страница 51

“But you want me to go on, to get my own satisfaction?” she said.

He laughed grimly: “I want it!” he said. “That’s good! I want to hang on with my teeth clenched, while you go for me!”

“But don’t you?” she insisted.

He avoided the question. “All the darned women are like that,” he said. “Either they don’t go off at all, as if they were dead in there… or else they wait till a chap’s really done, and then they start in to bring themselves off, and a chap’s got to hang on. I never had a woman yet who went off just at the same moment as I did.”

Connie only half heard this piece of novel, masculine information. She was only stunned by his feeling against her… his incomprehensible brutality. She felt so innocent.

“But you want me to have my satisfaction too, don’t you?” she repeated.

“Oh, all right! I’m quite willing. But I’m darned if hanging on waiting for a woman to go off is much of a game for a man…”

This speech was one of the crucial blows of Connie’s life. It killed something in her. She had not been so very keen on Michaelis; till he started it, she did not want him. It was as if she never positively wanted him. But once he had started her, it seemed only natural for her to come to her own crisis with him. Almost she had loved him for it… almost that night she loved him, and wanted to marry him.

Perhaps instinctively he knew it, and that was why he had to bring down the whole show with a smash; the house of cards. Her whole sexual feeling for him, or for any man, collapsed that night. Her life fell apart from his as completely as if he had never existed.

And she went through the days drearily. There was nothing now but this empty treadmill of what Clifford called the integrated life, the long living together of two people, who are in the habit of being in the same house with one another.

Nothingness! To accept the great nothingness of life seemed to be the one end of living. All the many busy and important little things that make up the grand sum-total of nothingness!