Читать книгу Любовник леди Чаттерлей / Lady Chatterley's Lover онлайн | страница 40

There was a sad pause. “Yes, for a little while,” said Connie.

“For a little while! It’s all we can do. We can only do our bit. I feel every man of my family has done his bit here, since we’ve had the place. One may go against convention, but one must keep up tradition.” Again there was a pause.

“What tradition?” asked Connie.

“The tradition of England! of this!”

“Yes,” she said slowly.

“That’s why having a son helps; one is only a link in a chain,” he said.

Connie was not keen on chains, but she said nothing. She was thinking of the curious impersonality of his desire for a son.

“I’m sorry we can’t have a son,” she said.

He looked at her steadily, with his full, pale-blue eyes.

“It would almost be a good thing if you had a child by another man, he said. “If we brought it up at Wragby, it would belong to us and to the place. I don’t believe very intensely in fatherhood. If we had the child to rear, it would be our own, and it would carry on. Don’t you think it’s worth considering?”

Connie looked up at him at last. The child, her child, was just an “it” to him. It… it… it!

“But what about the other man?” she asked.

“Does it matter very much? Do these things really affect us very deeply?.. You had that lover in Germany… what is it now? Nothing almost. It seems to me that it isn’t these little acts and little connexions we make in our lives that matter so very much. They pass away, and where are they? Where… Where are the snows of yesteryear?.. It’s what endures through one’s life that matters; my own life matters to me, in its long continuance and development. But what do the occasional connexions matter? And the occasional sexual connexions especially! If people don’t exaggerate them ridiculously, they pass like the mating of birds. And so they should. What does it matter? It’s the life-long companionship that matters. It’s the living together from day to day, not the sleeping together once or twice. You and I are married, no matter what happens to us. We have the habit of each other. And habit, to my thinking, is more vital than any occasional excitement. The long, slow, enduring thing… that’s what we live by… not the occasional spasm of any sort. Little by little, living together, two people fall into a sort of unison, they vibrate so intricately to one another. That’s the real secret of marriage, not sex; at least not the simple function of sex. You and I are interwoven in a marriage. If we stick to that we ought to be able to arrange this sex thing, as we arrange going to the dentist; since fate has given us a checkmate physically there.”